The Truth Of This World
by Supernatural is for Lovers
Summary: I'd like to run away/From you,/But if you didn't come/And find me .../I would die.  Wherein Sam broods, Dean jumps to conclusions, and Castiel reminds Dean that he's chosen his place in this world. Done by request for xCastielsGirlx WARNING: HERE BE SLASH


I am **SO **back! And with my triumphant return I bring this Destiel request, dedicated to xCastielsGirlx, her unbelievable patience for sticking with me through a week-long power outage and a two-day writer's block, and her wonderful plot bunny and title that just inspired the hell out of me even though it posed such a challenge:

_"Dean goes to Cas for help but Sam is reluctant to take it. Sam gets jelous of how well the hunt goes so he decides to talk with Castiel. Dean slips in mid convo without anyone noticing and overhears them. Dean runs away really hurt by the things Sammy is saying and they have to go out to find him. Dean eventually gets found by Cas in a snowy field (yes, it's winter) under a tree. The rest you can make up."_

And I hope I did it justice. XD I just love requests! *giggles* Please, enjoy.

Disclaimer: Please do not cut yourselves on the shards of my shattered heart that broke when I remembered I don't own Supernatural.

* * *

I'd like to run away  
From you,  
But if you didn't come  
And find me...  
I would die.  
~ Shirley Bassey ~

Dean hissed as Sam tied off the end of the neat row of sutures that had had to be applied to the gaping slash on his bicep. He took another swig of whisky before turning to his brother, face grim. "We gotta wait for Cas to get back on this one, Sammy. Ain't no way in hell we can take out a whole nest of demons by ourselves."

Sam sighed in annoyance as he cleaned out the deep scratches that adorned his side. "We _could _if you would just let me-"

"_No_! Sam, we already talked about this. No more of this crazy mojo bullshit of yours, okay?"

"But-" Sam began, exasperated.

"No buts," Dean answered definitively, "we wait for Cas, and that's the end of it."

Sam stared at him, anger smoldering at his brother's senseless refusal. "Fine," he bit out once he'd regained some control over his temper, "whatever." He stormed off into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him, hoping a long shower would help to calm his fried nerves.

Dean shook his head, glaring at the mockingly silent door. He wondered momentarily whatever had happened to the gangly mop-headed kid who used to look to him for guidance on everything short of what shoes to wear in the morning. Dragging a hand across his face in defeat he pulled out his phone.

"Hey, Cas, we've got somethin' here I could really use your help with."

The reply came from the other end of the phone about a half second after the one that came from a foot behind him. "What can I do to help?"

OoOoO

"Dude, that was awesome!" Dean crowed in a voice that Sam had always thought made him sound like an overexcited twelve-year-old.

Castiel allowed a small, pleased smile to settle across his features at Dean's praise. "They were fairly low-level demons, easily dispatched with the right tools. Truly not that impressive, Dean."

Dean clapped a hand on the angel's shoulder as they reentered their motel room. "Strong enough to give me and Sam a hell of a time, huh Sammy?" He called the last part over his shoulder to his brother who was slouching against the doorframe with a particularly petulant grimace on his face. He didn't answer, merely deepened his scowl, and Dean shrugged, turning back to Cas. "What wasthat thing you used to gank 'em all? Like a roach-bomb for demons?"

Dean's eyes were alight with curiosity and wonder, and doing serious damage to Castiel's composure, he realized, as he felt his smile widen. "It was a mixture of several incense that when burned together purify the air and destroy any unholy thing that breathes it."

The elder Winchester nodded, deeply impressed by the angel's knowhow. "Imma go grab some beer and pie to celebrate, come with?" The offer was directed at both Cas and his brother; the latter merely declined with a shake of his head. Dean turned to Cas who was looking past him and focusing intently on Sam. He answered without looking at Dean.

"I should get back to the field." He disappeared before Dean could respond.

Shrugging, and not really surprised, Dean picked his keys back up from the side table and left, casting one last mildly concerned look at Sam as he passed him on the way out.

OoOoO

Sam hadn't missed the look the angel had been giving him before he left, but wasn't sure what to make of it until he reappeared several minutes after Sam had heard the Impala tear off.

"Sam Winchester. We need to talk." He turned and internally winced as he felt Cas' gaze pierce straight through him. "You are unhappy with my having assisted you." Statement, not question, Sam noted.

"It's just," He started, scratching at the back of his neck as he squirmed under the intense scrutiny of Castiel's almost unnaturally blue eyes.

Several minutes of silence stretched out between them and Castiel prompted, "Yes?"

"It's like I'm not even _here_!" Sam said in a rush, unable to hold back his frustration any longer. "_I _used to be the one he went to. It was like, me and him against the world you know? But now…. He didn't… Dean didn't even think twice about calling you for back up. And I mean, why should he? I'm not strong enough to take these things on his way. I could be doing so much more, I could be _useful_ again if I could just-" he cut his words short as he realized where they were headed.

"If you could just use your demonic powers," Castiel finished for him, able to read the truth of his words in the slump of Sam's shoulders.

"I'm not able to help anyone without them! And Dean won't let me…." His fingers itched over his phone on the counter. He needed to call Ruby. _She _would understand his need to use his powers, to feel like he was actually making a difference somehow, "I'm starting to think Ruby was right." The angel's head tilted to one side, eyes narrowing as he tried to understand what Sam was talking about. "At least with her I can do some good. You saw me today, I was completely useless!" In an uncharacteristic fit of rage Sam seized his phone from the counter and launched it across the room, watching with a sort of detached interest as it collided with the wall in a starburst that resulted in a sizeable hole in the drywall and his phone lying in several pieces a few feet from it. The room fell silent once again and Sam spoke in a strained whisper, refusing to look at Cas, "Besides, he has _you_ to watch his back, he doesn't need me anymore."

OoOoO

Dean looked around the all but empty diner and spotted a man nestled in the corner picking idly at a salad. He wondered when Sam had eaten last. Probably not recently enough, he mused, and the rabbit food always seemed to lift the kid's spirits. "I'll take one of those too, sweetheart," he said to the waitress with a slow smile, motioning to the man's salad. She nodded shyly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ears before disappearing into the back.

As she reappeared with the styrofoam container Dean pulled out his cell phone to call Sam and make sure he didn't want anything else before he got back to the motel for the night. A day that saw the death of eleven demons was a day worth getting so hammered he couldn't drive until morning.

Then suddenly his plans for the night were incinerated, blown away like so much ash when Sam's cell phone went straight to voicemail. Because in the strange, precarious world they exist in there are few rules, but all are ironclad and followed to the letter: if it kills people, kill it back; if it looks too dangerous, Dean goes first and Sam will _not _bitch because that's what older brothers were made for; and neither of them were to _ever_, under _any _circumstances, have their phones off.

His panic rising, Dean grabbed the bags from the counter leaving a hundred in their place, and rushed back to the Impala without another word. He gunned the car to life and roared back towards the motel, the worst-case scenarios playing in his head. Sam had been killed. Sam had been knocked out. Sam had been kidnapped again. Sam had been…

OoOoO

Sam had been completely taken aback by the angel's last question. "Wh-_what_?"

"What does this demon say to you that has confused you to the point where you believe Dean no longer needs you?" Castiel repeated, his tone deceptively calm despite the simmering urge to smite this hell-spawn into oblivion for all the turmoil she had caused these brothers. But if he's to be completely honest, mostly for the pain she's caused Dean by taking Sam away from him.

Sam blinked, trying to find his voice. "She," he started, voice tight, each word jagged at the edges, slicing into him as he forced them out, "she just…." Castiel watched as the younger Winchester collapsed into the small chair as though his strings had been cut, head down, voice a quiet, defeated shadow. "Nothing. It's nothing."

Cas sighed, "These things she tells you, they are untrue, you must know this."

If possible, Sam sank even lower in his chair. He shook his head slightly, looking up at the angel with conflicted eyes. "I know I shouldn't believe her, but, I mean… what she says makes sense. I can't do any good with Dean keeping me from using my powers. They're the only real weapon I have."

"This is what your demon tells you?" Cas's stomach was knotted uncomfortably with a sensation similar to the way Dean had once explained anger and outrage. He didn't much care for the feeling. "What else has she tried to convince you of?"

Sam's back straightened, taking on a more defensive position as he drew up his full height in the chair, "It- it's not like that."

"Sam, I do not understand the need for such evasion. What is it that she tells you?" His question was met with nothing but silence. Suddenly Castiel crossed the room, having finally reached the end of his patience with the Winchester boy. "I regret having to do this," he said shortly. He extended his hand, and when his fingers met Sam's forehead he coerced the hunter into revealing what his demon had said that he was so adamantly determined to keep unspoken.

Sam's voice dropped several tones, taking on a seductive hue that made Castiel more than a little uncomfortable. He had known of Sam's … _involvement _with the demon, but reaffirmation of it was still a bit unsettling. But nowhere near as unsettling as what Sam began purring to him.

OoOoO

Dean paused, foot poised to break in the door, when heard his brother's voice. Sam's perfectly level, not pained in any way, voice. He was _talking to someone_? He felt his anger rush to the surface as he thought it was probably Ruby. Yet another rule Sam had broken for the demon bitch. But as the voice that answered him sounded decidedly male, and more importantly, decidedly _familiar_, he lowered his foot as his anger faded to be replaced with intense curiosity.

He heard part of the angel's response, "I regret having to do this," and while he wasn't completely sure what he meant, it didn't sound good. Stepping closer, he turned his ear to the door, listening.

OoOoO

"We don't need him you know. We could be doing so much more good without him hovering over us, making you keep us in the shadows. Think of how many more people we're able to save my way. Dean is weak and pathetic, no one comes back from Hell intact, and he's no exception. In fact, he may just be the rule. Poor, sad, broken little Dean. He doesn't appreciate you. Or your powers. He uses you as a tool, as back up. So why not ditch the 'holier-than-thou' crap and come bat for the winning team? Together we'll do more good for the world than we'd ever be able to do with Dean's dead weight constantly holding us back."

The silence that followed Sam's words was all encompassing. Sam stood, unmoving; hand over his mouth in perfect movie shock, as though even _he _couldn't believe what he'd just said. Then he heard glass break followed several moments later by the familiar sound of the Impala, whose return he'd somehow missed, roaring to life. His first instincts being foul-play he bolted to the door, Castiel on his heels. He rushed outside, nearly falling over the bags of pie and shattered beer bottles just outside the motel room. Sam's face colored as he began to piece the scene together. He wondered how much Dean had heard. Looking down at the carnage he noticed one of the bags held a salad which had spilled open and his stomach snatched in deep regret. He turned back to Cas and drew a deep breath, searching for the words to explain.

OoOoO

"_…Got eyes of the bluest skies, and if they thought of rain…." _Dean looked down at the phone and all but growled, pummeling the ignore button savagely. Seconds later the familiar song started back up letting him know that Cas was once again calling him. "The hell do you need me for when you got _Sam_?" he hissed at the phone darkly before rolling down his window and flinging the phone out. He didn't bother closing it, oblivious to the biting air and occasional flakes of snow that tore through the opening.

OoOoO

Castiel stood silently in the middle of the deserted road. Even through the blanket of ever increasing snowfall he could tell Dean was nowhere around. Why had Sam's locator for Dean's cellular device led him here then? Pulling his own phone from his pocket, Cas hit the first name on his speed dial list. Over the white noise of the buffeting winds he could just make out the faint strains of music coming from the roadside and, stepping closer, he could see the edge of Dean's phone peeking through the white of the snow. He looked up at the sky, brow furrowed as he ran through the list of Dean's possible destinations in his head. But Castiel knew. At a time like this, there was only one place Dean would be.

OoOoO

Dean drove with no real destination in mind. In fact, he didn't realize where he was headed until he got there. There wasn't much to see as everything was coated in a thick layer of snow, but it still held the same calming effect for him. Nestled in the tree line behind the swing set was a lone picnic table sheltered from the snow the rest of the park had fallen prey to. He made his way through the thick curtain of falling snow and sat heavily on the worn wood. His elbows on his knees, he dropped his head into his hands, willing himself not to think about how badly it hurt to have lost yet another person he loved to Ruby. It didn't work of course. It never did, and soon enough his eyes were brimming with unshed tears because dammit, he wasn't gonna let the bitch have _those_, too. His mind swam with all of the things he should have done differently. Eventually there were so many what ifs floating around in his head that everything went numb and he looked out unseeingly to the horizon.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been staring out at the blinding white before he heard the crunch of snow beside him.

He felt the aged wooden bench dip as the angel sat down beside him. "Hello, Dean.

OoOoO

Sam stared intently at the GPS layout on the screen of his laptop, panic rising as the tiny dot that was Dean suddenly disappeared. Heart in his throat, Sam prayed that Cas would be able to find him soon. Casting a worried look over to Dean's forgotten coat cast across the foot of his bed, Sam snapped the computer shut and gathered his own coat. He rushed to the end of the parking lot and uttered a quiet apology to whosever car he was currently hotwiring. As he exited the lot he reopened his laptop on the passenger seat, relief washing over him when he saw that the small blue blip that denoted his brother had reappeared on the map. Letting out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding he gunned the car towards the park they'd passed on their way into town.

OoOoO

Castiel looked over at Dean who was stubbornly refusing to look anywhere but the space of dead air his gaze had been trained on since the angel's arrival. He sighed, noticing the ashen hue of the hunter's skin and the slight trembling of his shoulders, "Dean, you're cold, you should not be out in these conditions." Dean didn't realize how cold he was until the words he went to bite back at the angel came out between chattering teeth. Without another word, Castiel stood, removing his trench coat and draping it over Dean's shoulders. He knew the thin garment wouldn't do much. He needed to get the elder Winchester out of the cold.

Dean inhaled deeply, the angel's scent and warmth washing over him. He sighed; a short-lived peace fell over him as he cocooned himself in the familiar mixture of incense, foreign lands and ancient things that was so uniquely _Castiel_. Until reality fell around him and he realized this would probably be the last time he would experience it. "Why?" The question was so quiet Cas would have missed it had Dean not accompanied the question by turning to finally meet the angel's gaze. When no answer came he was hit with a sudden rush of determination. That bitch already had her hooks in Sam but she wasn't going to get his angel, too. Without warning Dean stood, rounding on the angel with a fierce resolve gleaming in his eyes, "What do I need to do to make you stay?"

Castiel cocked his head to the side, trying to understand the sudden outburst. "Dean, I'm not-"

"Anything Cas," he swore, his tone promising and earnest, "I'll do it. I've already lost Sam to that bitch and her poison; I can't lose you, too."He sighed heavily, shoulders falling as he swallowed his pride. He knew he'd probably regret his weakness later, but right now the only thing that mattered was keeping Castiel with him. "Truth is-"

They were interrupted by the blinding splash of headlights off the snow and they both fell silent, watching as the decrepit Oldsmobile cut its way towards them. Dean stiffened as he watched his brother's lanky form spill from the car to trudge towards them. He shifted his weight and stance almost imperceptibly so that Cas was partially behind him as he turned to face Sam.

Eyes flicking between the brothers, clarity finally dawned on Castiel.

Sam stopped a few feet shy of the tree line, face both relieved at having found Dean and concerned by his condition. He stared at a patch of snow a few inches in front of Dean's boot and shuffled his feet, trying to piece together the apology of the century. One that Cas knew would only make things worse. "Dean, I-"

To Dean's surprise it was Cas who spoke first, sounding mildly irritated, "Not now, Sam." He reached his hand out to Dean, who didn't have time to retreat before Cas's fingers met with his forehead.

OoOoO

He blinked, and when his sight cleared and his eyes refocused, he found himself on a luscious beach drowned by the brilliant rays of the sun. Castiel turned to him, and he was fairly certain the warmth returning to his body had less to do with his environment and more to do with the angel's now all-too obvious proximity. "What were you going to say, Dean?"

Taking a deep breath, Dean lowered his mask, let his heart show through and prayed that what he had to say would be enough for Cas to stay. "The truth is… I don't want to know what would happen to me if you left. I don't know what I'd do."

"You would go on, as you always have."

His heart fell, and he choked the words out in a strangled voice, "But I wouldn't want to."

'Humans are so very complicated,' Castiel thought with a sad smile. "Dean, I am not going anywhere. I've made my decision, chosen my place. And that is with you. I thought I made that clear when I rebelled to remain there." A heartbeat, then two, and he watched Dean's face split into the first real smile, not bitter smirk or flirtatious grin, but _true _smile he'd ever seen on him and for a moment the hunter was so astoundingly beautiful that the angel felt his heart stutter. There are several moments in life for which there are no words. Castiel now found himself in one of those. At a loss of how else to communicate his feelings, he stepped forward, closing the small space between them, and claimed Dean's mouth with a kiss that was somehow both innocent and desperately hungry, filled with the pent-up emotions this man and this man alone had unlocked in him.

Cas tasted like heaven, and Dean wondered if maybe that might just be a side effect of him being an angel and all, but he quickly decided he really didn't care. Instead he focused on learning the shape of the angel's lips by touch until the need for air forced him away. He rested his forehead against Cas's and looked down into the angel's eyes, his own so full of emotion they were unreadable.

Castiel stiffened, awaiting Dean's reaction. He knew he had crossed a very important line this day, one he had been prepared to cross since the minute he'd chosen his human over Heaven. He only hoped that Dean would choose to cross it as well. Suddenly Dean's face lit up in a wide, mischievous grin and he chuckled quietly, "Totally worth not pooping for a week." And Cas felt himself laughing in return, the feeling both alien and wonderful. He should have known; it was one of the reasons the man had stolen his heart so completely. Once Dean Winchester loved someone, they would never have to go _anywhere_ alone. And that is the truth of this world and any other.

###


End file.
